Life will meet me at my level of audacity

 4:35 AM.

I’m sitting at my study table. The internal security booklet stares back at me with the same exhausted intensity I return to it. My focus slips again, so I pick up my phone.

I’ve known the quiet joy of achievement only a few times in life — joy not because of what it brought me, but because of what it meant to become.

The first was March 2019. I had just returned from the Training & Placement Cell of my college, overwhelmed by what I had heard. I spotted my friend near the canteen gate and ran up to him — “Ho gaya!”

My first job — Larsen & Toubro.

I never joined. But the happiness wasn't tied to the joining. It came from knowing I could. That I had made it.

The second was August 3, 2022.

Late into the night, a PDF carried my name. I stared at the screen, trying to believe that the merit serial beside it — Rank 18 — was mine. BPSC.

My family rejoiced. I was glad to be the reason for their happiness.

But over time, “Rank 18” became bittersweet.

People kept asking, “Why this service with such a rank?”

And I quietly wrestled with my own discontent — a yearning to grow beyond the lines drawn for me.

And then today — 25 July 2025.

Here I am, with relief more than happiness.

Relief at having broken the status quo.

Relief at having honoured my potential.

Relief at finally going home.

JPSC. Rank 31.

I don’t know what lies ahead.

But I do hope life grants me my share — a seat at the table I’ve worked so long for, the one I rightfully own.

And I promise, no matter what titles line my name, I will keep returning to this desk — to study, to strive, to start over.

This past month has been the toughest I’ve lived through.

But it’s fine. Everything is fine.

Life will meet me at my level of audacity.

4:51 AM.

It’s time to go.

Until next time.